THE FOURTH QUARTER - I GUESS

As I compare my little cancer experience to football, I guess we are at the beginning of the fourth quarter. The Kick Off was on February 16th in the emergency room when they discovered the tumor.
The first quarter included visits with a surgeon in Albuquerque, upper GI CAT scan, several consultations and finally the endoscopic biopsy. The second quarter included several trips to Houston for all the different exams including another biopsy. Also included were more consultations. We just finished the third quarter which included the treatment phase with a month spent in Houston for chemotherapy and radiation.

The fourth quarter warm up started this last week with another argument with the same woman at Presbyterian over payment of visits to Houston next week - which had already been approved for payment. I am confident we can get this turned around but the additional stress it causes - for no reason, is very upsetting. I will be in Houston the week after this next week - They will pay regardless of whether they say they are going to or not and it will be easier on both of us if they just go ahead and do what they are supposed to do and have already agreed to do.

I start the 4th quarter with my initial visit to New Mexico Oncology on Wednesday the 18th. They have been given the protocol by MD Anderson for the chemotherapy and it just makes a lot more sense to have that done here. I will have a four hour session every other week for two months. This would require four separate trips to Houston and I would probably need to stay over at least four or five days after each session. This way I can come home and get sick all over my own place and not have to pay $100 + per night to get sick at the Holiday Inn.

As stated earlier, it will be back to Houston for re-staging the next week. This will pretty much duplicate all of the exams of the first trip - including another biopsy to measure the progress or lack thereof. I just love that biopsy exam. They are sending down cameras, needles, cutting devices and heaven only knows what else - through my mouth and throat and then picking away at my pancreas. I have picked up my car from getting repairs done, only to find a tool or two under the hood. I hope these guys don't leave any tools behind, especially the cutting kind.

The rest of the fourth quarter will be spent doing the chemotherapy in Albuquerque and then hopefully back to Houston for surgery. I am hoping at the end of the fourth quarter we will win the game and - no overtime please.

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WHY ME?

I read comments made by another cancer patient and he said that almost everyone who learns they have cancer can't help ask the question; "Why Me?"

This is a tough one - I don't want to try to sound brave or courageous but I never even thought of the question, "Why Me?" I was devastated when I first learned I probably had cancer only because I didn't expect this. It was like being blindsided by a truck. "Hey - I didn't come here (emergency room) to be told I had cancer. I came here about the pain in my chest." It was a real shock but I never did think it should be someone else or the "Why Me?" question.

Again, I am not trying to sound courageous or impress anyone, but as I progressed into the examination and treatment stages of cancer, it hit me that I was really very lucky. Think about it. The tumor was discovered February 16th. I have been gently prepared in a number of different ways to be able to deal with this thing. I have had time to get personal issues arranged so I can just kind of slide through the events I need to be involved in. I have had the opportunity of going through all of this - one step at a time. The trauma of this has been reduced because I know what to anticipate - no major surprises. And finally, I am on the tail end of my life span. I have already had many experiences that I won't be cheated out of because of a disability or death.

I can truthfully say I would rather it be me than any of my sons, my grandchildren and many of my friends who have their whole lives in front of them. I can deal with it - it isn't a big deal. If I was 21 or 22 and found I had cancer, I am sure I would say "Why Me?"

If I had small children at home, children in college, if I had just finally been promoted to a top position in my company, if I was heavily in debt and had a family - yes I might say; "Why Me?"

Maybe there are a lot of people who have a legitimate reason for saying; "Why Me" - and I certainly don't criticize them for that, but I feel I have been very lucky and have no reason to say; "Why Me?"

When you think of the lives that are lost or substantially altered by accidents on the highways and streets - with no warning at all, no time to prepare, no option to not be involved - my situation seems pretty mild.

When you think of all the people in Iraq and other hostile places that can lose their life in a matter of seconds or have it substantially altered, with little or no warning, sometimes with no time to prepare and usually with no option to not be involved - my situation is easy.

When you think of all the anger and hatred that leads to violence including shootings, domestic violence, rape and/or drug related date rape, other accidents besides car accidents where people not only have visible scars but phycological scars that no one can see for life - I am very lucky in comparison.

Please don't worry about me or feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for all the victims you read about in the papers or see on TV on a daily basis who have no hope - as I have. Reach out and touch the lives of single parents who are struggling, of young people who are need of love and friendship, of anyone and everyone who is troubled with debt, employment, domestic violence or any other issue.

Let us all see if we can make a difference in one person's life each day even if it is just with a smile and a kind word to start. The hurt and pain and suffering in our town today is the worst kind of cancer in the world - and MD Anderson - as great as they are, hasn't found a cure for it yet. We are the only hope.

Thanks in advance for being kind and considerate to your fellow man and woman!