CHEMO # 3

Chemo #3 is history - at least the activity of having it. The effects of it will probably linger on for some time. It is lingering hard today. I sure hope I run out of numbers pretty soon. I thought this was going to be the last one - but surprise! I get at least one more.

I spoke too soon after #2. I felt great the next day and went to work. Then I worked Wednesday and Thursday with the intention of leaving early, but as luck would have it, customers came in and I got involved in transactions that lasted up to and past closing time. I think I left work around 10:30 PM on Wednesday and around 9:30 PM on Thursday. Thursday at 9:15 PM I was paged to the front desk for customer service. As I approached the desk an old friend came running up screaming and hugged me. It was Cissy King who used to be the lead female dancer on the Lawrence Welk show. She said she wanted to buy a car. I explained we closed in fifteen minutes so she agreed to come back this week. When other sales associates found out who she was, all the old duffs like me came over right away to meet Cissy King. The youngsters had a strange look on their faces - like - "who the heck is she?" Then I had the big week end of touring Albuquerque and Santa Fe and was pretty well worn out all this past week.

I have been trying to figure out why I feel so lousy after these chemo sessions. Just sitting in a chair for eight hours wears me out, but I realized that for all practical purposes - I am spending eight hours getting poison put into my system. You can feel the effect of this almost immediately and it just gets worse.
I did have a meeting with the doctor this session and he is pleased with my results but surprised that I am even trying to work. He said the protocol I am following is a very heavy duty dose of chemo. I do know I am one of the first ones there and by the time I leave, almost everyone else is gone and some of them come in half way through my session. It creates a real strange sensation for me. I feel guilty for just kind of dragging through the day after I have had the session and procrastinating on doing things I should do, but I really don't have the energy or interest in doing anything. I also feel guilty because I know of people who have had it a lot worse than I am having it. I have heard of people going through chemo for 14 weeks, 17 weeks, 24 weeks, etc. I will go for four - but no more!!

I am still having a battle with Presbyterian. They now say they never approved surgery at MD Anderson, but they have said that at the end of my chemo session if they get a request from MD Anderson for a referral and if my chemo doctor says I should go there, they will consider doing it. My chemo doctor did say that he would report that I do need surgery and that he recommends MD Anderson. MD Anderson has already said this is the only way I have a chance of surviving - so I think I have a pretty strong case. I am going in any event - whether they want to be gracious and pay for it or not. I also have a lawyer lined up who specializes in Medical Malpractice - just in case.

It has taken a lot of time and energy to do battle with Presbyterian in addition to everything else, but I guess that is the way it is going to be. So, I guess I am looking at surgery sometime in October or early November.

Had another little incident with this chemo. I realized there was a funny sensation in my left hand. I looked down and my left hand was swollen to almost double it's size and my left arm was swollen. It looked like I had a boxing glove on my left hand. There was no pain but it looked like my skin would split if the swelling got any greater. I called the nurse over and for some reason the needle had come out of my vein and the chemo was just going directly into my hand and up my arm. It is a good thing I had taken my watch off and transferred it to my right arm before we got started or they would have had to cut my watch off. That would have been another $13.95 down the drain.

Those who know me well and who have noticed, know that I have very large hands. People never come up to me and say; "Golly you are good looking", or "You sure are a handsome man", or that is a "great haircut" or a "beautiful shirt".
Everyone says the same thing - "Damn - those are the biggest hands I've ever seen." This all comes from hard labor as a youngster where I dug potatoes with my bare hands, mined coal with my bare hands, dug trenches with my bare hands, and even ate with my bare hands. At milking time, as soon as I walked into the barn the cows would all take off running. I get criticized and I guess it is against the law, but I drive with my index finger. I just stick it between the spokes of the steering wheel and twirl that wheel around with one finger. So, anyway, I have huge hands to begin with and now my left hand is twice it's normal size. I realized I had a problem right away because I normally eat with my right hand and am careful to pick my nose only with my left hand. Now my left hand is swollen beyond the capacity of my nostril - so this means double duty for my right hand. I haven't eaten much today - partly because of the affect the chemo has had on my stomach and partly because I can't eat my normal diet of potato chips and hamburgers and hot dogs without using my hands. You just can't eat potato chips with a spoon or fork. As you can see, there is more to my stress than meets the eye.

My son Scott called today and said it probably wasn't good to have all this chemo just wandering around in my hand and arm and that I should call the doctor. My garage door broke and I got tied up and telling the repairman how to fix it and forgot to call the doctor - so if I can't pick my nose in the morning, I guess I better call the doctor.

I had to have a meeting and tests with the pulmonary doctor this week - one of the tests that should have been performed in Houston had my trip not been cancelled because of Presbyterian. Prior to the doctor coming in the nurse came in with her clip board and all the typical questions. She sticks the thermometer in my mouth and starts asking me questions. My weight has dropped a bit so I told her I had my wallet in my pocket last time. My blood pressure is always good so I told her that so she wouldn't have to check it, but she checked it anyway. She then started in on her questions and started with the statement; "I am sorry I have to ask you this - No I am not sorry I have to ask you this, Well really I am sorry I have to ask you this" I am starting to worry about what kind of personal question she is going to ask me. I am prepared to say "NO" - no matter what it is. That is always a good safe answer - I think.

By law - at least in New Mexico - once a year they have to ask you questions about domestic violence so that victims of domestic violence can have an opportunity to open up in a safe environment about this problem. All of a sudden my anticipated "NO" answer changed to a "YES". I showed her the scars on my back, the holes in my nostril from having a ring in my nose so I could be led around, the abuse I took when I forgot to put the seat down in the bathroom, for using a clean towel every day when I took a shower, for using a clean glass every time I took a drink, for not locking all the windows when I left the house. I mean this conversation went on and on forever. As I thought about it later, I was a little concerned. I could just see me driving up to the drive way as the Sheriff was coming out with my wife in handcuffs leading her to his car. Golly - she will problem yell at me about that too. Sometimes - you just can't win.

In addition to my chemo session, we had a little excitement here yesterday. The President of the United States was in town for a brief time. He was here for a fund raiser lunch for our Senator, Pete Domenici. The lunch was hosted by Larry Abraham. Mayor of Los Ranchos de Albuquerque, a tiny community surrounded by the city of Albuquerque. We know Larry Abraham because he started his married life by building a two story house right up against our back yard wall so that when we sit on our patio all we see is this slab of adobe that goes straight up into the air. We used to sit on the patio and watch the tram car climb up the Sandia Mountains - a much more enjoyable sight. Our son, Scott, actually helped him build the house and worked for him some. So, some of the people in our neighborhood have advanced to bigger and better things. 350 people had lunch at Larry's house at $1,000 per plate while I was sitting there sucking up chemo.

The other big event is that my dear wife, Mary Marlin, was one of two tellers at her bank yesterday when it got robbed. The robber went to the other teller - which was a lucky break for him. Actually, this is the first time that particular bank has been robbed and it has been around for awhile. However, MM has been through three bank robberies - and in one she was the teller they tried to rob. When she will take on a bank robber - you have to understand why I had to open up with the nurse when she talked about domestic violence.

I am already dreading my next - and hopefully last, chemo session. I am thinking if I feel this bad because of the chemo - how am I going to feel following surgery? Maybe I will just go back to picking potatoes and forget the whole thing. Presbyterian would like that!

God Bless You

AL

TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE - SUCH A DEAL!

Today we are going to have two separate blogs in one because of two entirely different subjects. The first will deal with a fabulous weekend we just had.

This one involves a weekend visit from my Brother-In-Law, Les Hawker and his wonderful wife Donna, from South Charleston, West Virginia, and at the very same time a visit from my beautiful niece, Holland (Holly to me) and her husband Eric Laurin, from Denver.

The unfortunate and ridicoulous fact of life is that my borther-in-law is a fantastic person and one of the most enjoyable people you could hope to be around. Because of a different society we all live in today, prior to this visit I think I have spent a small portion of a day with him twice in our entire lifetimes. I went back to West Virginia to his and my wife's mother's funeral, and Les and Donna attended the wedding of my son Andrew in Indiana. The lesson should be to remember what is important in life and do those things while you can instead of waiting til life is passing you by and regret not doing the things you should have done.

The second subject is about a very serious topic I have already emailed everyone about but want to remind you again and encourage you to support. I have forwarded an email this past week related to breast cancer, which I had received from a fabulous girl from the Pacific Northwest who has been a friend of mind for some time. I will call her Carolyn - because that is her name, and will tell you that she is one very super lady I would do anything for, but I would promote this subject regardless of who asked me to do it because it is so serious and so important.

Carolyn lived in Albuquerque when I met her and she created a big loss for Albuquerque by moving away. She and I have continued to be pen pals via email since then and I consider her one of my very favorite people.

Speaking of pen pals, I used to have a number of pen pals but they all had numbers on their shirts and wore black and white striped shirts and lived in tiny cages behind bars.
I tell people I had the first cell phone in Albuquerque. Well, I really didn't have the first cell phone, but there was one right outside my cell on the wall. If I pressed my body against the bars and stuck my hand out through the bars I could just barely reach it. The problem is, I would often drop the coins as I was trying to get them into the phone to make my call and they would fall to the floor and roll around out of reach which ended my phone call before I ever made it. The guards would congregate around my cell just to pick up the coins I dropped. I kept the guards in cigarette and beer money just from my failed attempts to make phone calls. Just kidding - I have never been inside a facility of incarceration, at least to the best of my knowledge.

Actually I have been in a jail facility. I went to a small college in Southern Colorado, Adams State College, and we played football against the inmates at the Colorado State Penitentiary in Canyon City. We actually went inside the prison to play football. We were a bunch of seventeen to twenty four year olds playing against a group of men up to age fifty and beyond who were tough gangster type men. To say they kicked our butts would be a gross understatement. Whenever they did something good the convicts in the stands would boo them. When we did something good or injured one of their players, which was seldom, the convicts would stand and cheer. At the end of each quarter of play, we would drag ourselves into a huddle and try to figure out what to do next. They would lay down on the grass and light up a cigarette and just calmly wait for the next battle at the line of scrimmage and activity of slaughter.

WEEKEND WITH RELATIVES IN NEW MEXICO:

Just another unexpected blessing occurred when two sets of relatives came to town this past weekend.

My brother-in-law, Les Hawker, and his wife Donna came in from South Charleston, West Virginia. These folks are plagued by the same thing we are in New Mexico. You say; "West Virginia", and people automatically relate to something they know about in the state of Virginia. It isn't like West Texas which relates to a portion of a giant state. West Virginia is actually a separate state and not a suburb of Virginia. And, of course, all of you know, that even people who are supposedly highly intelligent don't know that New Mexico is a state. I had one man ask if we had a Chamber of Commerce like they have in the United States.

Anyway, Les is a retired chemist and a fantastic individual. He and his wife, Donna, have traveled all over the world and had never been to New Mexico. Maybe they didn't know it was a state and didn't want to wait for a passport to come here. Les is also a very astute student of history and thoroughly enjoyed some history from New Mexico that dates back to the thirteen hundreds.

The night before they were to arrive, I got a call from my niece, Holly, saying that her husband, Eric, had just accepted a job with the Federal Government and was given the option of moving to Los Angeles, San Francisco, or Albuquerque. Naturally, they chose Albuquerque because of me - and maybea few other factors, so we were thrilled to have them come in at the same time that Les and Donna did. Get this - our wonderful Mayor, Martin Chavez, on his own - without anyone asking him to - just spent $8,000.00 of taxpayers money to go to China as he said it would be good for Albuquerque's economy. I got two fantastic professionals to move to Albuquerque without spending any of the taxpayer's money. Holly is a Physician Assistant dealing with children and has already established a great reputation in the Denver area. We are thrilled that they will be living in Albuquerque soon.

The first day, Saturday, we all had a late lunch at the Elephant Bar and Grill in the new ABQ shopping area. If you haven't visited the Elephant Bar, I would encourage you to do so. The atmosphere is great, the food is wonderful and the prices are very reasonable. We then came up to the house and sat around a bit as, especially the Hawkers, were pretty well worn out from only three hours of sleep and a two hour time change.

Sunday we all went up on the longest tram in North America which operates on a continuous cable of 5,000 feet as it climbs almost straight up the mountain from our mile high elevation to over 12,000 feet. I didn't think it would be appropriate to tell them that on a few occassions the wind had blown the car off the cable track and the car was stuck just dangling in the air overnight until a helicopter could come in and lift the cable back onto the track. The wind wasn't blowing on Saturday anyway. At the top you can look down on the city of Albuquerque to the west and down on the chair lift and ski slopes on the east side to the valley on the east side of the Sandia Mountains. Many people who live here don't realize that Albuquerque used to be a huge lake with the waters approaching the top of the Sandia Mountains going all the way North up into the San Luis Valley of Colorado. We have used a lot of water over the last few years. No wonder the Mayor wants everyone to use low water flush toilets. I go nuts when I go back East and you see tall trees on each side of the road and have no idea of what is on the other side of those trees or how to get there. Donna was amazed at how flat everything is in Albuquerque and how you can see forever and a mile here. Albuquerque really is a beautiful place. You have the history which relates to the Sandia Mountains and the Sangre de Cristo range on one side and the historic volcanoes on the other side with all kinds of history between.

Holly and Eric seemed to be attracted to the city because of the many bike and jogging trails we have all over the city and the ease of getting around with so much less traffic than the Denver area. Obviously, doing my part as a good citizen, I didn't tell them any of the bad stuff about Albuquerque. Is there any bad stuff?

We came down off the mountain and all went to Garduno's Mexican restaurant for some real and very delicious Mexican food. I have to admit that Holly and Eric are acquainted with good Mexican food as there are many good Mexican restaurants in Colorado. And, Les and Donna report that they enjoy good Mexican food in West Virginia. However, my goal is always to have people eat real Mexican food in New Mexico before they ruin their taste for Mexican food by eating a poor substitute in Texas.

After we stuffed ourselves with the best of the best in Mexican food, we went down to historic Old Town and visited San Felipe de Neri Catholic Church on the Old Town Plaza, which dates back 300 hundred years. We visited a few of the shops and they all went to the rattlesnake museum as I sat outside in the shade. I don't want to see a rattlesnake under any circumstances and I am not going to pay to see one. Eric wanted to see the gunfight they have in the streets of Old Town, so we watched a funny skit where several people ended up getting shot, including the Sheriff and two cranky wives - I liked that part. The last stop in Old Town was the Atomic Museum which was very interesting. We went down town and had refreshments at the Flying Star and ended the evening at the Great American Cattle Company with another great meal of some of the best steaks you can get in Albuquerque.

Monday Eric and Holly stayed in Albuquerque to house hunt and the Hawkers followed us to Santa Fe where we once again did the sight-seeing routine including the Church with the miracle staircase, another church which is the oldest church in America dating back to the thirteen hundreds, the oldest house in America which is next to the oldest church, the Palace of the Governors and the Georgia O'Keefe museum. The Hawkers spent the night in Santa Fe and were going to Los Alamos on Tuesday and back to Albuquerque on the Turquoise Trail and on to Arizona on Tuesday.

My chemo therapy limits me to about four hours before running out of gas and hitting the wall, but we spent several days in near 100 degree temperatures climbing stairs, walking, standing around museums and I somehow survived. I can go through a museum in about ten minutes. I look at the displays and pictures and I am out of there. Les and my wife are both very interested in history and they read every word on every plaque and script in each museum, so I had plenty of time to catch my breath between the various stops.

When you live here and go about your daily routine you forget to appreciate what a fantastic place this is and the amazing history in this state. If we could just figure out how to send our politicians to some remote island - or even Texas, we would be an almost perfect state.

BREAST CANCER:

My dear friend, Carolyn, sent me an email which I have forwarded to all of you. But just to reiterate, this is all about breast cancer and proposed changes which are being forced on the unfortunate victims of breast cancer by insurance companies. I am very sensitive to this subject because of my own cancer and my own problems with insurance companies in dealing with my own problem.

I doubt if many can appreciate and understand what a woman must go through when she discovers she has breast cancer. This has to be especially true of men. According to the information I have seen, there can be, and usually is, a tremendous amount of physical pain during and after a Mastectomy. This should be understandable by almost everyone. But in addition to the horrible experience of physical pain, these women must have a tremendous mental anguish and psycological pain which no one but them can understand and appreciate.

Insurance companies have decided they could add to their bottom lines if they could just do the procedure and kick these women out on the street to fend for themselves. They are trying to force a mastectomy into the category of "outpatient procedures" where the women would go in, have the procedure and spend a few minutes coming out from under the anesthesia and go on home - very much like you would a routine colon exam or some other simple procedure. They are sometimes sent home with drainage tubes still attached. Hey - it makes sense! The insurance companies can save a couple of nights expense of hospital stay, and if it makes more money for the insurance companies - it is worth doing. We have drive up service for McDonalds, dry cleaning, liquor purchases and banking - why not mastectomies?

There is a bill called the BREAST CANCER PATIENT PROTECTION ACT which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show support. Please go to this site and sign the petition to show your support. Go to;

http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php


THANK YOU!!!!

CHEMO #2 (CORRECTED COPY)

Them roses is red
Them violets are blue

I have now finished up
With Chemo number two


I have two more to go
Thank God it's not five

Four is a challenge
But I think I'll survive


They fill up my body
With poison you see

From these great big ole bags
That hang from this tree


These really are chemicals
And they don't have no taste

My body is an official site
For chemical waste


For those who are concerned
About the environment

Please sit down right now
And write to the government


Toxic waste and pollution
Are things really sad

So the next stop for my body
Will be WIPP in Carlsbad


I will spend my whole life
In the caves down below

I never will know if there's rain
Or there's snow


Some people might rent me
For a stroll in the park

I will be their protection
Cause I'll glow in the dark


They say that I might
Lose some of my hair

It might make me good looking
So I really don't care


If they do cut me open
From top to bottom the scar will reach

This will end my vacations
At the California nude beach


But when it's all over
It will be okay

They want me to live
Cause they want me to pay !

*****************************************************************************************************************
The second chemo session wasn't as bad as the first. I still had to sit there for nearly 8 hours which by itself wears you out. But the chemicals do take their toll and I am pretty wiped out tonight - but am eating and plan to have a full and active day tomorrow - probably in four hour segments. It seems that I run out of gas after about four hours. But all is good and everything will be okay. I am getting tired of the routine - this all started February 16th - but I guess this lengthy process is better than the alternative.

AL

Chemo - New Mexico Style

I had my first New Mexico chemotherapy session on July 30th and have my next one coming up on Monday the 13th. I can hardly wait! Have been giving a lot of thought to going AWOL - (Al Wants One Less - or - Al Wants Only Liquor - or - Al Wants Only Love) - but Al don't want no more chemotherapy, How can they even consider having chemo and therapy combined into one word. Isn't therapy supposed to be some kind of act or action that make you feel good? Maybe it will make me feel good somewhere down the line, but it is going to make me miserable til I reach that point in life.

You always think of anything done in New Mexico as having either red or green chili attached to it. I kinda expected some chili flavor to be mixed in with the chemo, but no such luck. However the after affects in my tummy make me think I ate a whole bushel of chilies raw.

Actually New Mexico Oncology is a first class place and they do a fine job. It just isn't what I am used to after being down to MD Anderson. There, everything is very systematized and professional. The Land of Enchantment is a little laid back by comparison.

In Houston I spent two weeks doing chemotherapy and radiation at the same time. I would take three chemo pills in the morning, go to the hospital and get zapped by the radiation gun, and then 3 more chemo pills in the evening. It ended up ripping me apart, but it didn't take long to do it.

In New Mexico they have their own system. It is a 7 1/2 hour session just for chemo. They give you a little sheet with instructions and suggestion to make your experience pleasant. The only way it could be pleasant is to stay home and not show up. They suggest that you bring reading material, your MP-3 or I-Pod, you can even bring a DVD and if you don't have one the will loan you one but you have to give them your drivers license as security. Half the people driving cars in New Mexico don't have a drivers license. I guess that accounted for all the people just sitting there staring off into space. they have pillows but you can bring your own if you want. The have snacks but you can bring your own. They warn you that the chemo room is kept cool, so you might want to dress in layers. I could just see me there as the day progressed doing a strip one layer at a time - no thanks. But, I did bring a jacket which I never put on.

I got there at 8:00 am as ordered - a terrible time of day to be anywhere, especially for a session of torture. First thing I saw was an older man (older to me is really old) who was pulling his little oxygen tank, had what appeared to be two pieces of carry on luggage, two pillows and a blanket. He looked like one of those people who camp out under the interstate underpasses - or maybe he was going to complete all sessions at one time. There was a wide variety of people accumulating in the lobby within just a few minutes. For a second I thought I was in the Greyhound bus terminal. I have to admit, I had my little canvass bag which really did a number on my macho ego. I was just like everyone else. I couldn't make up my mind which book I would want to read, so I brought four. Then I didn't know if I would want trail mix, peanut butter and crackers or peanuts, so I brought them all - just like everyone else. Oh, I did bring the jacket - one with a hood in case it rained. I had a little argument with my wife - she wanted to stick an egg salad sandwich in my little bag. I was horrified - what if someone saw me with an egg salad sandwich? I already felt like a little boy going to the bus stop headed for first grade.

I was in bad shape to start. I worked the night before and then stopped off with some friends for awhile and got home tired. All night long I kept worrying about getting up in time to be there on time. This happens anytime I have to be someplace early in the morning. I think I ended up getting about three hours of sleep, so I was on the grumpy side when I got there.

First order of business is to suck blood out of your body. The nurse kept putting one more vile on the needle until I was about a quart low. Then they send you into the chemo room. This is a very large room with 25 to 30 recliner chairs and a bed or two. Everyone is assigned to a chair and I got the worst one in the room - wouldn't you know it. Right away this nurse comes up with this metal tree on four wheels. She sticks the needle in the top of your hand and attaches a tube which is attached to several different bags. One is water, one chemo and I think the other was desert. I knew right away there was no chili as the bags were all clear fluid. She then said; "Now we have to get a little blood." Hold on sister, you already took all I can spare.
Once I convinced her I had already been bled, she left and then she was back right away again. She said the first nurse didn't get the right amount or do the right tests or something - so we got to do it again. Three hours of sleep, no blood - I was almost dead already and we hadn't even started.

So finally, we start the treatment. Each patient is allowed to have one visitor - it said so on the sheet. I was trying to navigate my little bag of goodies with one hand because the other was tied up to this metal tree and this also made it very difficult for me to move too much. I was going to decide which book to read and decided to high light those parts that turned me on. I dropped the highlighter on the floor. That was just the beginning of things I dropped on the floor. It's kind of like when you come home and you have four sacks of groceries in your arms and your house keys in your teeth and carefully lower your head to a point where your out-stretched fingers are wiggling around for the keys, and then you drop the keys on the ground.

Finally I got situated and just grabbed a book out of the sack at random - and they put a new patient right next to me. Next came his wife, then daughter #1, then daughter #2, then daughter #3, and finally daughter #4. Each one of these wonderful people had their own cell phone. They spent the whole day there and I don't even know why the came. They spent the whole day talking to other people who were not there on their cell phones. I am getting a bad headache. I couldn't concentrate on reading a book no matter how hard I tried. I started a brand new book and suddenly realized I was on page three - and had no idea what I had read.

Oh, Oh - things are starting to work. One of the sacks was a one litre sack of water type fluid which was to protect my kidneys from the chemo. It makes you need to go to the bathroom. So, I take everything out of my lap and kind of dump it on the floor, bring the recliner to an upright position and struggle to pull myself out of the chair. Now this tree with all the chemo equipment on it has a cord they plug into an outlet on the wall. My chair is up against the wall, the tree is on my left side, all my little goodies are on the floor on my right side and I have to maneuver the tree around the chair, all my goodies on the right side of my chair, go clear around a corner on my right side to unplug the cord. Wait - I can't get the tree to go around the chair from the left side to the right side because the cord isn't long enough. I can't move my left arm because this tube is attached to it. I gotta figure out how I am going to get the tree around the chair so I can go around the corner to unplug the cord. I must have really looked hopeless - a patient in the next row said: "Hey Boss - sit still. You ain't never going to make it." He got up out of his chair and unplugged my cord which was directly in front of his chair. Why was my plug in front of his chair and clear around the corner on the wrong side from my chair?

Once I got my cord loose I started off to the bathroom. These trees have tiny little wheels so at each crack in the tile they catch and seem like they are going to tip over. You have one arm and your holding onto the tree and pushing it and trying to keep it from tipping over and you carefully ease your way towards the bathroom. Wait a minute - I got a whole damn family sitting in a semi-circle between me and the bathroom. I have to work my way through all the chairs or people talking on the cell phones. You get to the bath room and you have to turn completely around because you only have one free hand and it is on the wrong side to grab the bath room door. You end up doing a slow waltz with this metal tree just trying to close the bathroom door. There is a clear plastic container hanging on the wall with your name on it. You are supposed to go in there so they can measure how much your kidneys are getting rid of. I never thought of this - how do you do this little deed in the first place, much less while you are holding this little plastic container - with one hand? One of the most embarrassing moments in my life I am sure. You know that if you miss everyone will know by just looking at the front of your pants when you walk out of the bathroom. Oh my God!!! Talk about stress!

This was the first of about ten trips to the bathroom. The nurse said she was going to start calling me "European" - like I needed a comedian at this stressful time of my life. I think people started feeling sorry for me. One lady across from me asked me what my name was. When I told her she closed her eyes and brought out her beads and started praying for me.

Then my wonderful son, Scott, and his beautiful wife, Sheri, stopped in to see me and brought me a sandwich. Now I had scalded my hands every trip to the bathroom but at this point I didn't want to touch anything that was going to go into my mouth. But, I could see they weren't going to leave until I ate my sandwich, so with the paper carefully wrapped around it I ate the sandwich. Actually at this point I was not hungry for anything anyway. All this other stuff they were injecting into my body kind of destroyed my appetite. That sandwich was the only thing I ate all day long and ended up getting it all over my shirt and pants. Now I know how a dog feels when he can't use his hands to eat.

They gave me two different chemicals, so when the first bag was empty they put on another bag. Would make a lot of sense to use chili. The first bag could have been red and the second green. It got to the point where I was looking down at my watch every thirty seconds or so trying to urge the time to progress more rapidly. Finally I glanced down and the tube that was carrying the chemical down my arm into my body was bright red. I looked up at the chemo bag and it was kind of a watery red. I guess the nurse noticed it about the same time as she came running over. Something went wrong and my blood was backing up into the chemo bag. She shut the machine down and tried to reverse it but there was a clot in the tube. She was afraid the clot would go into my blood stream so she started ripping the tube off my arm. Now this tube was taped down to my arm. I didn't have a lot of hair on my arm - but now I don't have any.

Then they decided I had not discharged enough of the force fed water from my kidneys, so they gave me another shot - some kind of diuretic. She didn't have the needle out of my arm but I had to go - like right now. I ran across the room half carrying my little metal tree. I got back and sat down and I had to go again. I did this at least half dozen times. I am totally worn out by now and ready to go home. "Wait a minute - we better check your oxygen level." Oxygen level was way too low. What did they expect, I was half dead by now. So, they put an oxygen mask on me and made me sit there until my oxygen level came up. When she wasn't looking I started taking deep breaths in through my mouth to bring the level up. Finally she came at a time when I had sucked up enough air to bring the level to the minimum.

They finally let me go eight hours after I started. The nurse had the nerve to say; "We'll look forward to seeing you again on the 13th." Don't count on it lady!

While the combination of radiation and chemo in Houston was really tough, this one wasn't any picnic either. For the next couple of days I was totally drained and it has hung on for most of the two weeks. I will get a spell where I feel great and go out and work or do something else and in about four hours I am drained again. Don't know what to think for sure about all this modern day medical treatment. One thing for sure, you want to take care of yourself and stay well so you don't ever have to go back through this again.

Gotta start resting up - only six days before I get to go back!

AL

THE BATTLE CONTINUES

(This message is long - Sorry)

There was an article in The New York Times last Sunday, July 29th. The headline was; "Doing Battle With the Insurance Company in a Fight to Stay Alive", written by Denise Grady.

This article was very significant from my point of view, in that the article is about a gentleman from Albuquerque who had pancreatic cancer and wanted to go to MD Anderson in Houston. This sounds like me. The article also is about his insurance carrier, Presbyterian of New Mexico, which is also my insurance carrier. And, the article is about his insurance carrier, Presbyterian of New Mexico, refusing to allow him to go to MD Anderson.

The article states he was lucky as the cancer was found early enough to be cured by surgery. The same applies to me. His local doctors advised him not to have the surgery done in Albuquerque. My endocrinologist basically said the same to me. My doctor said I needed to go to a factory where they do this procedure on a daily basis. He suggested Johns Hopkins or Sloan Kettering. My son, Scott, had researched this subject and asked about MD Anderson, and the doctor was very supportive of that as a choice. Two of my local doctors requested a referral from Presbyterian for MD Anderson.

I will point out, as the article states, this surgery - known as the Whipple procedure, is a very risky, delicate and complicated operation. I have been told the surgery alone could last ten hours or more.

Presbyterian refused to pay for this gentleman's treatment at MD Anderson and insisted it could be done in Albuquerque by their own doctors. In my case, the did give me a referral for s second opinion and surgery. However, just this last week they started denying they ever said anything about surgery. They have continued to change their position throughout the whole process with me. I have had three different approvals for three different processes only to have them tell me later they never approved them.

Presbyterian sent this man a list of five local surgeons. He did research, and with the help of MD Anderson, learned that the five doctors in Albuquerque had performed a combined total of five Whipple procedure surgeries within the past five years. The surgeon I went to in Albuquerque, claimed he did three to four surgeries per year and I think he probably was exaggerating. The surgeon I am working with at MD Anderson does an average of two per week.

I have been told by my surgeon at MD Anderson that my form of cancer is the most serious type. Even though it is a very complex and difficult surgery, without surgery there is little chance of surviving. However, this does not automatically mean a person will have surgery.

MD Anderson must first determine whether or not you are a candidate for the surgery. This takes into consideration your current physical condition and whether or not it is good enough to allow you to survive this grueling surgical procedure. This is the reason MD Anderson insists on various extensive tests to determine your physical condition. They conduct these tests quite differently than other doctors doing the same exam under typical routine conditions.

I do have some current health issues including some issues with my heart, upper respiratory disorder, diabetes, two aneurysms and a few less important issues. I went through a very extensive series of tests with the Cardiologists, the same with the Pulmonary specialist, the most complete and complex CAT Scan I have ever had and extensive X-Rays of everything from the waist up. The biopsy took almost an entire day. In fact I was scheduled to come home the night after the biopsy, I had my airline ticket and had checked out of the hotel that morning. They made me stay in Houston that night because the biopsy was so extensive they felt there could be some chance of internal bleeding and they wanted me right there in case this happened.

The purpose of my last trip to Houston scheduled for last week, and cancelled by Presbyterian two days before I was to leave, was to exactly duplicate the tests I had already gone through to measure any improvement, or lack thereof. Instead Presbyterian forced me to spend a week running all over Albuquerque to have these various tests done by their local doctors. This will obviously make it difficult to know exactly what changes have occurred as most of these local tests were very routine and not nearly as comprehensive as those done by MD Anderson.

When Presbyterian refused to pay for the gentleman in the article to go to MD Anderson, he decided to do it on his own. (How many people would have just given up and accepted an early death as their only alternative?) He was a man of modest means but he had just received an unsolicited credit card in the mail with a $5,000 credit limit. He usually destroyed these unsolicited credit cards, but he kept this one and used it as a down payment to MD Anderson. He did - on his own - go to MD Anderson and is now free from cancer!

He appealed to Presbyterian twice and they refused to pay. He then took his case to the New Mexico Review Board. Because he was a man of modest means, he could not afford an attorney, so he represented himself. Presbyterian showed up with two lawyers, a doctor and a nurse. After hearing the case, the Review Board ordered Presbyterian to pay the entire bill of more than $80,000.

His doctor said; "No patient fighting for their life should have to fight their insurance company too." This is where I am right now.

Early on I met with a team of physicians, nurse practitioners, dietitians and other medical professions and received advice and instruction on what I should do and should not do to improve my chances of survival. This included diet, exercise, activity, rest and other factors which affect your health. One of the most critical factors, which can have a very negative impact of your health according to these experts, is stress.

I have made a concentrated effort to develop and maintain a positive and upbeat attitude about this whole thing. I can joke about it even though I know it is extremely serious. Of course, MD Anderson and everything they do contributes to this being possible. Now I find the one institution that should be doing everything they can to help me have a successful solution to this problem, is the one element of the whole process that is causing a constant and unnecessary stress for me.

Don't worry though - I don't give up easily! And, if I do go down, I promise I will take Presbyterian and a group of their people with me financially if possible. But, in my mind it is not going to get to this. I may have to start kicking some butt right now, and if I do - I am ready for it.

Thanks to all of you for being my friends and my support team through all of this. It is going to work out!

AL