ANNIVERSARY

Saturday - February 16, was a big anniversary for me. First, one year ago on February 16th, I spent seven hours in the emergency room at Kaseman Hospital and left there knowing that I had a growth or tumor on my pancreas that was probably cancer. This is not an event that most people would want to even remember much less celebrate, but it was to become one of the most important events in my life and I will never forget this date.

Without going into all the details again, this trip to the emergency room was full of coincidences which probably ended up saving my life. It was a major coincident that the emergency room doctor even found the tumor as it was so well hidden under other parts of my intestine - and on top of that, he wasn't even looking for this particular problem. He had been told, by me and by my primary care doctor, that I might be having a problem with my aneurysm or was experiencing some type of heart problem. I was so lucky to get this very thorough doctor, and this was just the beginning of a long list of blessings that I received during the past 12 months.

As a result of what happened on February 16, 2007, I have have twelve months of treatment, one of the most serious and complex surguries you can have, and the cancer has been completely removed from my body. I am now cancer free. To me this is definately an anniversary worth remembering and celebrating.

To make this date of February 16th even more special to me, is the fact that it is the birthdate of my wonderful son, Scott. He has been one of the major blessings to me during this past year as I have been engaged in battle with cancer. He has taken time off from work and gone back and forth to Houston with me, gone to all the doctor meetings, has done research on the computer about the treatments, the medications, etc., he was been with me when I had chemotherapy and radiation treatment in Houston. More than anything else, he has protected me from worry and concern about anything and everything he could. He has run interference for me on just everyday things so I don't have to be concerned about the routine challenges of everyday life.

I remember the night I left the emergency room around 11:00 pm I called Scott. At that point I was pretty shook up. I had just been told I probably had cancer and this was not something I was expecting. I called Scott and poured my heart out - not even remembering that it was his birthday. What a present! I feel guilty to this day for even calling him, but he took it like he does everything else. He was so understanding and sympathetic and helpful - it was like that was all he had on his mind.

A couple of other neat things happened on Saturday to just add frosting to the cake. A wonderful couple I have known for years, Joe and Bunny, called and I had a nice long visit with them. I hadn't seen them for years and then we got reunited several years ago when Joe and I were both going to the same physical therapist. Then we kind of lost track again until we ran into each other again at New Mexico Oncology when I was going through the eight hour sessions of chemotherapy at NM Oncology. They called to tell me they had run into a neat lady at NM Oncology who had pancreatic cancer - just like me, had gone to MD Anderson in Houston, just like me, and had experienced some problem with weight loss - just like me. However, she is a dietitian and has figured out a solution to her weight loss problem. She agreed to visit with me and I will be calling her tomorrow. This is yet another one of the wonderful experiences I have had on this journey with cancer. I have run into so many people or been introduced to so many people who were complete strangers who have become friends and have helped me so much with their individual stories and experiences and their support. They have embraced me as if we had a lifetime friendship and I was the most important person in their life.

Let's see - I already said I was adding frosting to the cake, so I guess I will have to say now we are going to add a big red juicy cherry to the top of the cake as I still had one more enjoyable event for the day. Because of Scott's birthday, Mary Marlin, Scott and Sheri and I all went out for a fabulous dinner. The Great American Steakhouse is at the corner of Tramway and Indian School Road and sits up on a hill and overlooks the city and the West Mesa and volcanoes. It is a beautiful setting, but much more important than that is the food. It has to be one of the best, if not the best, restaurants in the city. The food is absolutely outstanding and the portions are huge. In fact, as part of the standard menu, you can order an extra plate and two people can share a meal. I would guess that most people do that. A steak of any kind will almost completely cover the platter. In addition, the baked potato will cover half the platter, so you almost always have a portion of the meal hanging over the edge of a very large platter.

The one thing I love more than anything else at this restaurant is the chicken fried steak. I almost cried every time a server would wheel the cart past me with a chicken fried steak with every square inch covered with cream gravy. I just wanted to grab the steak and start eating it myself, or at least stick my finger in the gravy and lick off my finger. But, even with the meal sharing, I am the only person in our group that had this craving for chicken fried steak. My good wife did remind me that in the past, I would order the chicken fried steak and eat the whole thing by myself. She made some snide remark about that being one reason I used to be the size of the Good Year blimp. She actually didn't come right out and say it like that - she doesn't have to. You get the point. I have always tried to convince her that I order the chicken fried steak because it is the least expensive item on the menu. It is the financially prudent thing for me to do. I don't think she ever bought into it. Anyway, she ordered briskit and shared a few bites with me and then still came home with a box nearly full of briskit.

To celebrate Scott's birthday to the fullest, Scott ordered a bottle of wine. The server poured the wine into the glasses - serving Scott last. The server misjudged a little and when he got to Scott's glass, Scott got about 2/3 as much as everyone else. I was just ready to switch glasses with Scott - but didn't get the chance. I was ordered by good wife to give Scott my glass of wine. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am on a very short leash. Actually, this is the first taste of alcohol I have had since around the first of September. I used to enjoy a couple of beers when I came home from work at night. Now just the idea of drinking almost anything is repulsive to me. In fact I have doctors suggesting that I drink some beer just to try to gain some weight, but so far I have not done it. After a few tiny sips of the wine, I gave my glass to Scott. The taste was terrible as far as I was concerned. Scott and Sheri are good friends of the couple who own this restaurant, and while they were not there Saturday night, they left instructions for a bottle of wine to be delivered to Scott at his table when he came in as a birthday present from them. The server waited until we had bought a bottle of wine before they presented Scott with this bottle - I am sure this was not a intentional act, it just happened that way.

An interesting side-light to this whole thing, which is yet another blessing, is the fact that Scott and Sheri are friends with the people who own this restaurant. These folks had a baby who was born very pre-mature with some serious medical problems. I don't have all the details, but I think the little baby had been hospitalized almost since birth with these problems. Scott started going down to Houston to take care of me and came back and told these people about our wonderful experience and about the fantastic medical community in Houston. Again, I don't know the details, but Scott helped these people with information and research and they were able to get their baby admitted to Texas Children's Hospital. I think they had to do some battle with their insurance carrier, but were able to get the baby down to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. In fact, Texas Children's Hospital flew their private ambulance jet to Albuquerque and picked up the mother and baby and took them down to Houston and the mother was able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House in Houston. Within a matter of days the baby was much improved with the treatment she received in Houston. I believe they have been back to Houston a time or two since and each time they are transported on the ambulance jet of Texas Children's Hospital. Just another example of the blessings that flow freely among good people.

Well I talked about adding frosting to the cake and then talked about putting a big red cherry on top - but we haven't even gotten to the cake yet. Sheri, who has excellent taste in cakes, bought Scott a fantastic birthday cake and brought it up to our house and we came home after dinner and lit up the candles, sang "Happy Birthday" and started eating cake. Cake and sweets are another thing that I have a problem eating any more, but this cake was special. It had a special kind of frosting - it wasn't the typical frosting, and it was delicious. After we had some cake and ice cream, they cut off about half the remaining cake and left it with us. Mary is a sweet person - I mean she is sweet but she also loves sweets. Sunday morning she got up early to go to her jazzercise class and when I got up I noticed there was evidence that she had a good size piece of cake for breakfast. At least I hide the evidence. I wash off the plate and fork real good and then stick them in the dishwasher. I can always claim there were vegetables on the plate. You can't convict without evidence.

The recovery process is still going on. I am still doing everything I can think of to put on some weight. I still have about three doctor appointments each week. Last week I met with an Endocrinologist, the next day a Gastroenterologist, and the next day an Oncologist. They all had the same objective - trying to figure out why I am still losing weight and trying to figure out what to do to help me gain weight. They gave me a shot and out almost immediately and ran the camera down my throat into my intestine and said everything looked great and all the repairs had healed properly. There was some minor inflamation where they had attached the small intestine to the stomach, but they said that was normal and not a problem. I am talking to one of the doctors about getting on some form of steroid to build back the muscle mass and increase appetite. I am sure this will cause a stir in the baseball community and I will start getting all kinds of phone calls. I guess just see it now - in bright lights - "Home Run Hurt" - breaks all records set by Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Bary Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Pete Rose. Another doctor has cautiously suggested I try marijuana. It is being used here by a number of cancer patients. It helps reduce the pain and it increases the appetite. I am thinking I might use both the steroids and the marijuana at the same time. No telling where that baseball could go when I hit it.

There is at least one up-side to all the weight I have lost (155 now). I went down to the safty deposit box and found my wedding ring which I had not worn for years. When I first received it, it fit just fine, but it was made of some kind of material that started shrinking and after not too many years I couldn't even get it on my pinkie. Now it fits just fine again, and the only problem now are all the sad faces on pretty ladies with tears in their eyes as they have discovered I am in fact a married man. Please understand I have never done anything to lead anyone on or to suggest in any manner that I was not married. I am very married! But, you can't blame the poor ladies who see a gorgeous man without a wedding band - well they just start to assume things.

It is time to sign off. I will get you more news as soon as I have any!

God Bless and I love you all!!!

AL

ps - Spell check is still not working so I had to use the dictionary to help me and I am sure I didn't catch all the errors. It did take me about twice as long as it should to do this entry - I had to check on just about every word that had more than three letters. I never could figure out how you are supposed to look up a word to see how to spell it when you can't spell it to begin with - where are you supposed to look? If you knew where to look, that would mean you know how to spell the word - so there would be no reason to look!

Going, going, gone !

If you read the Albuquerque Journal, you just saw this exact same headline a couple of days ago - Going, going, gone! I want you to know - I did not copy their headline. I had actually started putting this blog entry together before this issue of the paper was printed. In fact, if anything, they probably stole it from me. I do have this problem from time to time where different elements of corporate America spy on me to get some of my better ideas and then claim them for their own. I do, after all, have such an abundance of these ideas.

Actually, the Journal was making reference to Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards dropping out of the primary races. My reference was along the same lines but more of an appeal.

I was going to ask you - and will ask you at this time - to be aware, and keep your eyes open over the next seven or eight months, and if you should all of a sudden come across a little pile of clothing in the middle of the sidewalk - a pair of trousers, socks and underwear, a Denver Bronco sweatshirt, and a cap - please stop for just a few seconds and give this little pile of rubbish a brief moment of reverence as opposed to just dumping it in the trash.

This little bit of clutter on the sidewalk - just might be me - or what is left of me. Everything else will have evaporated. So, I am kind of like Giulani and Edwards. They are dropping out of the primary race. I am getting close to dropping out of the human race!

My last blog entry on December 30th, I gave a report of my weight loss and how it had come down from around 250 to 172 in a little less than a year. Now it is down to 158 - or I am losing about 1/2 pound per day - on average. That is why - in six or seven months there will not be anything left of me but my belt buckle and the other remenents mentioned above.

As I mentioned in my last entry - the recovery period has been the very toughest past of the process for me, and while I should be bouncing off the walls and ceiling with joy because the surgery was so absolutely successful and all of the cancer has been removed, I find myself in the grumpy negative frame of mind because of all I am going through with the recovery. This is the main reason for the delay in getting this blog entry out - I hate negative and am not really interested in writing all of you - whom I consider my favorite people and best friends and complaining.

The loss of weight has caused a loss of energy as well and I just feel guilty when I sit around the house not ccomplishing anything. I used to never watch TV and I am now becoming an expert. I have even figured out which of the four different remotes does what. I have watched the political rubbish and that is enough to make you so sick you wouldn't notice anything else.

I have worried about the weight loss - after all it has to stop some place short of the belt buckle and Bronco shirt - and I have gone to my own doctors here. I have had numerous blood tests, x-rays, EKG's, and everything checks out okay. And the doctors all say I am doing great. How can I be doing great when I am evaporating away into thin air? It is just all part of the process - I guess. I finally decided enough was enough when I passed out at home a couple of times. First time I was here alone, the second time Mary was here and heard me come crashing down in the hallway. The second time I went down backwards and put a nasty lump on the back of my head when I hit a cabinet with my head. Right away, my good wife who is always on the spot, decided we needed an ice bag on my head. We haven't had an ice bag in the house for years - we never need one. Without a moment's hesitation, she was up and back with this nice cool sensation on the back of my head - a bag of mixed frozen vegitables. Next time I get a haircut I will need to remember to ask the barber to trim the corn around my ears. (You might like it if he would also trim some of the corn around my blog entries - sorry about that.)

There are a couple of other factors that affect me and might not affect everyone else. I am not a good patient. I go to the doc and they want to put me in the hospital and after arguing they agree to let me come home if I promise to stay home for two weeks. Three days later I am feeling better - so I go to work. The doc gives me a bottle of pills and both the doc and the bottle tell me to continue to take the pills until they are gone, After three or four days I am feeling better - no more pills. With my current problem it doesn't seem that it ever gets better and if it does it is in microscopic elements. I never get to the point where I can ignore the doctor's advice.

This past week I hve gone to two more doctors - an Endocrinologist and a Gastroenterologist. They both told me how great I was doing and one of them told me I had just gone through the most serious surgery you can have and 25% of the people who have this surgery don't survive. I mentioned this last time - they keep reminding me of this. I guess it is to make me grateful for being alive - which I definately am. So - What do I have to complain about? They are going to take me back in and put me under and go back in through my throat and check evrything out again just to make sure there isn't a bottle cap or a chicken wing or something down there that is fouling up the works.

Another major thing, which maybe only affects me, is something I never thought about. Before I was dignosed with cancer - I was an old man by a lot of people's standards. However - I didn't know that. I worked with young people - some young enough to be my children and some even young enough to be my grandchildren. I loved it - I enjoyed working and socializing with these people - they were fun and they kept me young. As long as I could avoid looking in a mirror as a reminder that I was just an ugly old man - I got along fine. Life was good, I enjoyed life, I loved these people I worked with and happiness was all around. And of course I also enjoyed dealing with people my own age and even older. I just enjoy people - period.

That person that I was and enjoyed being is dead now. He no longer exists. I am still an old man but I am aware of the fact that I am an old man every moment I am awake. Maybe it was time I grew up and acted my age but I don't want to be hung up in the closest some place until they decide to get rid of me. I know - this whole thing is stupid - but it has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I am used to getting up and going to work and inter-acting with people all day - I have done this all my life. Now, I am pretty much stuck at home and I crave just being with people. I look like someone from a third world country who gets a cup a rice once a month.

But - it is all going to get better - I am confident of that. I have started back on the exercise program and will have the procedure down my throat, go back to Houston in April - and there will be rebirth of Superman - fear not!!!!

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It has been almost a year now and you have been my fantastic friends and supporters and have made a huge positive difference in my attitude and recovery. The blog has been fun for me and it has also been very theraputic for me. As we wind down with cancer news, I will keep you inofrmed as best I can, but I will continue to do a blog on some other subjects and try to make it a fun thing. I will let you know when it will be coming - if you like it (which I hope you will) great, if not - that is okay too. I will still love you!!!!

AL