HURRY UP AND WAIT

While many of you know what has been going on in my life for the past couple of years, I have a few new friends (bet you didn't think I had any friends) who are not aware of this brief history. For that reason, I need to do a little instant replay of the past. I apologize - I don't mean to bore anyone with this little repeat. If you already know about this old stuff - it's okay if you want to just shut your eyes for a few minutes as you read through this stuff you already know. Whenever you get to a part you don't already know about - go ahead and open your eyes again. That is what I do when I read a book that is a little boring. I just shut my eyes as I read a part I don't like and open them again when I get to an exciting part.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and ended up going to MD Anderson in Houston for treatment and eventually surgery. I spent the month of June and part of July going through radiation treatment and chemo therapy in Houston and was back and forth for examinations and treatment for most of the year. The year ended with surgery - the Whipple procedure - in late October 2007. This was a ten hour surgery where they basically remove everything from the stomach area and put it up on your chest or put it on a shelf or something. I don't know exactly how or what they do as I was not there for the ceremony - I was "out of it". They did tell me that they did cut and throw out a bunch of pieces from my stomach area and tossed them in the trash or something and glued or welded or used duct tape to put everything back together again so everything would work the way it was supposed to. I have always visualized them cutting me open and finding a cache of green chili cheeseburgers, French fries, tacos and other forms of my type of nourishment in the stomach. Whatever they did toss out ended up causing me to lose about 100 pounds. Warning! Don't try this at home!

During 2008 I made a number of trips to Houston for follow up examinations. In fact I have made so many flights on Soutwest Airlines I have been given a Frequent Bathroom pass for any of their flights. This allows me to use any restroom on a Southwest plane as long as it is not already in use. This demonstrates what a great bunch of people they are at Southwest Airlines. As you may know - and I now know, they are kind of well known for the little teeny-weeny bags of peanuts they give passengers on a flight. I remember I felt insulted the first time this SW girl came up and asked; "Do you wanna peanut?" I thought she was referring to me as the "Nut" and was asking me if I wanted to use the restroom.

All of these exams proved I am cancer free - I guess, but all this cutting caused me to develop a huge and painful hernia which covers almost all of my stomach area. My weight loss caused me to kind of look like I had just come out of a concentration camp - a bag of skin and bones. But I had, or I should say I still have, a large protrusion in my stomach area. Now I know how some of you girls feel in the eighth month!

Anyway, the end of the end was supposed to come late in 2008. They scheduled me to go down to Houston in October for preliminary exams, with surgery scheduled for late November. The surgery was to be for fixing this hernia and to go back in to check up on the repair job they did inside my stomach. Rumor has it the Doc is also looking for a few tools he hasn't been able to find since he did my Whipple surgery, so I have an idea he may be looking for those too. I did go down in October for the tests and was all prepared to go back in November for surgery. Unfortunately I have never done too good on tests. A few days after I got home, they called me and told me they had discovered a new aneurysm. (this makes three for me - shows how competitive I am. You got two? I'll see your two and raise you one!) They also found some new blood clots - so they decided to postpone the surgery scheduled for November.

This really messes me up when I have made plans and schedules to accomodate these trips and they change the schedule. For example, as a patient at MD Anderson, I can go down to the basement and get a free haircut. I try to time my need for a haircut around these trips and when they change the schedule it totally messes up my hairdo. Of course it messes me up with other little things like my job, time off, taking out the trash at home, etc. It is very stressful.

They rescheduled me to come back in early 2009 for some more tests and I guess i passed this time, so they invited me to come back for surgery the first part of March. Now I am supposed to have two different surgeons working on me. (I remember when being a two car family was a sign of affluence. I am stating a new trend by being a two surgeon guy.) Anyway, my cancer Doc is supposed to open me up and go down and examine his previous work to see if everything is still hooked up the way it is supposed to be and then a plastic surgeon is supposed to come in with Super Glue - or something and put me all back together again.

Just prior to my surgery date in early March, they called and told me the plastic surgeon was not going to be there on that date (after I had already made arrangements to take time off from work, get someone to take out the trash, get someone to pick up the mail - and of course made plans for a free haircut) so, they rescheduled me to come down the end of March. Just prior to the new re-scheduled date at the end of March, they called and told me my cancer surgeon would not be able to be there on that date - so they rescheduled me for tests starting April 13th and surgery on April 17th.

I now have my fingers crossed that I can get out of town before the phone rings with another cancellation. It isn't that I am looking forward to this little exercise on the operating table, I would just like to get it over with. It's kind of funny, but when I went down the first time it was for a very major surgery and I was not really afraid or apprehensive about anything. I didn't know what to expect, so I was just fat, dumb, and happy about the whole thing. They took care of the fat part right away by lopping off around 100 pounds. And I wasn't all that happy by the time I woke up from the surgery, so that took care of the happy part. However other aspects of my personality remained the same. While this surgery is supposed to be tinker-toys compared to the first surgery, I still have vivid memories of what I went through following the first surgery and I am not at all excited about going through that again.

Sometimes I don't know whether to have fear or joy, but again - still being almost fat, kind of happy and still dumb as a rock - helps me overcome the fear part. I will have to go on lovenox (self administered injections with a long needle in the belly) three days prior to surgery. I had to go to a clinic this morning for all the details and instructions. When I was asked for the details or what had happened and why, the nurse got this wide-eyed startled look on her face. She said; "you had pancreatic surgery in October of 2007 - the survival rate for that is only supposed to be six months." I am sure glad I didn't know that before the six months was up or I might have quit showing up for work. But it has been right a eighteen months now - so I think that she must have had this mixed up with something else. In any event - I don't plan on cashing in for some time yet. I never did read instructions or pay attention too much to the rules. My only fear now is that I might die from extreme old age (I guess - according to others, I have already reached the old age mark) before they finally get me scheduled for this next surgery.

As the date grows near, I am starting to feel the anxiety and pressure - not from the upcoming surgery but from all the little details I have to take care of first. In any event, I guess I'd better stop now and hurry up - so I can wait!