A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE - BALONEY!

One more time! Yesterday I went in to let them cut on me again. I've been sewn up so many times that Mary is starting to use me as a source of thread for her sewing projects. As I think I mentioned before, I am just going to have them install a zipper so they won't have to cut into me each time.

Actually, I'm a pretty nice guy - sometimes, and I feel sorry for these doctors. They spend years and lots of money getting their degrees which enable them to cut on people. And, after all the sacrifices they make, they spend the rest of their lives just practicing. Every doctor you know "practices" medicine. Football players and baseball players practice a little bit each year and then they get to go out and play in front of a crowd of cheering fans and they make big bucks for this. The poor doctor just goes on year after year practicing in some little room with a single person audience (me on the table) and a few on lookers. I just feel sorry for these guys so every opportunity I get I give them a chance to practice a little more.

As you may remember, I had the big operation in Houston in April where they cut me open from the chest down to my belt buckle to remove four hernias and do some scraping and cutting of other things they found down there - including the doctor's wrist watch he had left in there by accident during the first operation. I'll be darned if I didn't get home and after awhile I developed a whole new very painful situation which turned out to be another hernia. This is one where the intestine drops down through a hole into the groin area - and boy does that hurt. This problem is insignificant compared to the cancer surgery and the other hernias, but it has been the most painful of all.

It took me about a month to be able to get in to see the doctor and once I did he was ready to operate right away. I saw him last Thursday and he operated yesterday - Monday. He assured me that the incision would be small - about the size of a credit card. It made me feel good it would be a small incision but then when I thought about it, maybe he was suggesting that the surgery would be dependent upon the size of what my credit card could pay for. That caused me new worry as I realized that it would indeed be a very small incision - maybe the size of a pin hole - if it was dependent upon what the credit card could support.

After all the pain and suffering these people (doctors, wife and son) have put me through, they treat me like a child. They wouldn't let me drive to the hospital by myself. I can drive better when I am disabled than some of my substitute drivers can drive when they are at the top of their physical form. Anyway, I had to let my wife drive me and when we got there we were the first people for the day. I checked in at the appropriate cubical and was instructed to go sit in the waiting room and wait for the nurse to come and fetch me. There was no one else in the waiting room but me and my wife and pretty soon this lady came walking through with a folder in her hand yelling for "Alberto". She wandered around for a bit and left and returned twice more with the same announcement. Finally I said; "I'm Albert and I don't think there is anyone else here." She said; "I have been looking for you - I came in here calling for you, why didn't you answer?" I said; "My name is Albert." She said; "It's Alberto in Spanish" Maybe I should have gone to Houston for this operation after all. Or, mayber I forgot to push #1 indicating I wanted to speak English.

At MD Anderson in Houston, you talk to a nurse or some kind of aide and they ask about your medications and from that point on every person you talk to has it right on the computer screen. Here I talked to several different nurses and each time I had to go through the list of my medications for each one. I am sure that none of the lists were the same - I don't remember all that stuff. One lady wanted to know about my prior operations and I told her about the cancer surgery and the hernia operation in Houston. She got this surprised look on her face and said; "You never had your tonsils out?" Well - yes I did when I was about five years old. She wanted to know each and every operation I have ever had. This covers a big part of a century - I tried hard to think of everything and she kept pressing me for complete and accurate answers. I had surgery on my knee about thirty five years ago. "Which knee?" I don't know - it was either my right knee or my left knee. You would think I was going to have open heart surgery.

Mary dropped me off and stayed with me until she had to go to work - someone has to supplement that credit card. Then she came back on her lunch hour just as the took me to the recovery room. Scott and Sheri brought me home and Scott was real careful going over the speed bumps - thank God. We dropped off the prescription for my pain medicine and they brought me home and said they would pick up the medicine in about an hour and come back.

On their way back they called and asked if I would like to have them bring me a malt. That kind of turned me off and I asked them to stop and get me a green chili cheeseburger instead. That sounded nourishing to me. Just before they got back I had to rush back to the bathroom and regurgitated anything and everything I have eaten for the past six months, so when they came in with the green chile cheeseburger I asked if they had ever eaten one before and told them they were going to get to eat one now.

I messed up a bit last night and by accident took a double dose of pain pills and didn't realize it until this morning. I sure did sleep good last night and most of the morning. I also got a mighty scolding from my parole officer. It was an honest accident, but in retrospect I am sure glad I did it - by accident of course.

All in all - I know I am still a very lucky person. Everything is okay. In between these little episodes I have sold a few cars and that is fun for me. I have some more people at work that look after me and take care of me. They kind of fill in for Mary and Scott. I seem to always have someone who is supervising my behavior. Everyone is very generous and the customers are all nice and life is just a lot of fun.

Hopefully this is the last "cutting episode" for awhile. But, if I didn't have health issues to talk about I would have to talk about something like politics - and that would be more sickening than any operation.

God Bless!!

AL